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I have a hangover and it's all Bexy's fault.

I just found this tucked away on my computer at work, so ... here, have a teeny untitled ficlet that I don't remember writing.

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She couldn’t move without tripping over memories anymore.

This was her home, but it had also been his home, and now it wasn’t, and she couldn’t grieve for him because she had too much to do, and no one was going to cut her slack when everyone had lost someone. What made her special? Nothing, that’s what. She of all people had no right to break down. She’d lost before, and she knew how it went.

He hadn’t even been hers. Just a subordinate. Just an aide. Not family, not a son.

Except that he was.

And Tory’s things on his desk made her want to scream. And the way his chair was adjusted higher and straighter now that he was no longer sitting in it with his long legs and slight slouch. The kettle in the corner that reminded her of the endless cups of coffee he’d made for her on long, stressful days. The number on the whiteboard, the four and the nine still in his handwriting because she’d yelped when Tory had almost rubbed them clean. The debate team ring she’d found in a corner of the alcove he called a bedroom, wearing a hole in the lining of her best jacket pocket.

Everything around her went on as normal, except that they weren’t normal, but who cared about that? Who really missed him, except for her? And she’d tucked it all away as much as she could, willing herself not to care, not to cry, not to talk.

And then she remembered stubbornness in the face of logic. A willingness to risk everything for a lost cause. Deep pain in blue, blue eyes. For just a subordinate. Just a pilot. Not family, not a daughter. Except that she was.

And, slowly, Laura picked up the phone.

Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
akachankami
Jun. 3rd, 2011 10:45 am (UTC)
ç_ç *sigh*

And, slowly, Laura picked up the phone.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks for commenting :)
embolalia
Jun. 3rd, 2011 10:56 am (UTC)
Oh, Laura! This made me so sad for her. I still find that morgue scene hard to watch, but it's as awful that Billy didn't get a funeral as Kara :( Nicely told, very evocative.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:15 pm (UTC)
The morgue scene makes me weep. I adored Laura&Billy together. Never gonna forgive Paul Campbell for quitting and leaving Laura all alone :(
embolalia
Jun. 3rd, 2011 07:28 pm (UTC)
I know! And he didn't even do whatever show he was leaving for. His new one started last night, though...
larsfarm77
Jun. 3rd, 2011 12:50 pm (UTC)
She couldn’t move without tripping over memories anymore.

This is so beautiful from beginning to end. I especially loved Laura's bitterness toward the changes Tory had made. Those two numbers on the white board nearly killed me.

Please go searching on your hard drive more often!!
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:16 pm (UTC)
I really genuinely do not recall writing this at all, so god knows how long it's been sitting there!

Thank you! You liking it means a lot :)
wishflsinfl
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:05 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you found this. It's sad, but beautiful. I love all the little details and how you've captured the pain in the untangling of a life shared so intimately.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:17 pm (UTC)
I love little details. I always enjoy coming up with tiny little things that show everyday life for them, and Laura and Billy really would have lived this intimate life, despite technically just being work colleagues.

Thank you :)
deborah_judge
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:16 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is so sweet and sad. I hadn't thought about Laura and Billy living together.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:20 pm (UTC)
I really adore Laura and Billy's relationship. If you do the genfic challenge, I'm going to hopefully see if I can get someone to write some Laura and Billy for me.

Yeah, they pretty much would have lived on top of one another, and it's not hard to see it developing into genuine closeness and family-type love. I don't think, anyhow.
plaid_slytherin
Jun. 3rd, 2011 02:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is heartbreaking! Billy! ;_; I especially love that some of the numbers are still in his handwriting. That's a great detail.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 02:48 pm (UTC)
I have a thing about Laura and Billy and that whiteboard. I'm weird.

Thank you! Billy's death and Laura's reaction to it is so sad :(
geekbynight
Jun. 3rd, 2011 03:16 pm (UTC)
This was gorgeous and heartbreaking. I especially loved this section:
For just a subordinate. Just a pilot. Not family, not a daughter. Except that she was.

Lovely work.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 03:34 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you :)
pocochina
Jun. 3rd, 2011 04:12 pm (UTC)
oh, this is a lovely look into what she must have been going through.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon :)
nixmom
Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:13 pm (UTC)
That was so wonderfully evocative. I like the image of tripping over memories and I love his ring in her pocket.

It is very much like Laura to be dismissive of her feelings, thinking they are not valid because they lack some sort of validity due to circumstance.
And then I love how you subtly bring her around to calling Bill.

Wonderful...so glad you found it!
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you for commenting!

I love the inside of Laura's head. Her thoughts and feelings fascinate me.
somadanne
Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:29 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, it's always the little things that get you--and you found so many things like that here. The two numbers on the whiteboard are devastating as a reminder of Billy and because you know there will come a time when both the four and the nine will be gone as they lose more people.

This whole thing is sadly beautiful.
astreamofstars
Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:37 pm (UTC)
I'm sure that's why I put the numbers in ... if only I could remember! Hee.

Thank you, hon. I'm thrilled you like it :)
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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